Self-Interference
The seductive sound of your own thinking.
Photo by Nguyễn Hiệp on Unsplash
The environment was perfect for our working session. Light poured in from the floor-to-ceiling windows, revealing sun-soaked mountains on one side and a serene waterscape on the other. It was a spectacular setting for the day’s agenda. I was there to facilitate an eclectic group of partners for the strategic use and development of a long-held, underdeveloped property that had now become prime real estate in Southern California. In walked the founder and principal, a brilliant mix of well-worn wisdom, kind candor, and a flurry of ideas. He was a proven giant in the industry niche he dominated (large-scale full-service real estate development), and his decades of experience showed up in his stories, examples, and instincts.
But this day was going to be different. He was contracting with specialists in their fields to complement his own domain of expertise. The ingredients were just right, and I was looking forward to facilitating a lively discussion about the creation, development, and building of something new; something this principal cared about deeply. With the land and funding secured, this visionary was ready to go.
What started as a beautiful day primed for lively discussion and direction turned into a multi-hour monologue of “brilliance,” interrupted every once in a while by the principal’s own request for someone else to inject something even better. But before anyone could say something, the resident genius was on to a new story, idea, or example.
This is not the first time I have facilitated dominating contributors; I actually love the challenge. But something about this day stuck with me beyond the burden of indignant bloviating or a brash personality. This leader was in his own way. His self-interference became the Antagonist to what could be possible.
When the founder, principal, or loudest voice speaks with strong convictions, force, and certainty, alternative ideas struggle to gain air.
Uber Problems
In the early years of Uber, executive meetings often carried the intensity of a competitive sport. Founder and CEO Travis Kalanick was famously sharp, fast-talking, and relentless in debate. Colleagues described sessions where Kalanick would pace, interrupt, and rapidly dismantle ideas he didn’t like while simultaneously pushing his own forward with infectious conviction. The room moved at his speed, and the abundance of intelligence and vision that poured from Kalanick became the gravitational pull that dominated the day.
Over time, the smartest people in the room begin editing themselves, or even looking for the nearest exit. Why be in the room for what you bring if the person dominating the room won’t make space for anybody but themselves?
In situations where the primary person becomes a primary obstacle, I don’t think it’s incompetence or arrogance, even though it can easily come across that way. The speed, certainty, and volume of a leader’s own thinking fill the space where anything different could emerge, perhaps an overcompensation for something they lack. A good leader genuinely wants better ideas. But here’s the thing: Teams don’t run out of ideas; they run out of oxygen for those ideas to surface.
The paradox is cruel because the same intelligence that enabled success becomes the force limiting the future.
Put This Antagonist to Work
The most effective leaders deploy a counterintuitive discipline that overcomes this Antagonist: curiosity and restraint.
Restraint is resisting the urge to change the conversation, to stifle momentum, or to articulate your superior alternative. Because of power dynamics, the room is likely to give your words greater weight already. What’s on your mind matters, but only if it’s contributing to the energy already in motion. You know you need more restraint when you are more ready to talk than you are to listen.
Listening cultivates curiosity. Rather than contradicting, arguing, or silencing a conversation, what does it look like to ask questions? Questions that might push the topic further, expand its scope, or narrow its focus. Inherent in most questions is a bias, which means you can let that carry your intent, and get to the part that pulls more out of others. The inner child in all of us still loves it when people ask us questions.
As someone who works closely with principals to facilitate critical conversations—whether creative or conflict-laden—I am operating in the best interest of the organization and all the participants involved. And I know where the buck stops, which gives principals peace of mind that the outsider won’t work against what matters.
Great leaders learn to conquer the self-interference Antagonist head-on when they stop talking and get out of their own way.
Three Questions for Confronting This Antagonist
Consider these questions for your own reflection or to spark a team conversation about some of the elements for confronting the self-interference Antagonist.
Do people in your meetings build on ideas or wait for you to finish yours?
What ideas never get oxygen?
How could you rally as a team against self-interference?
Your team members likely aren’t craving more of your brilliance. What they want are cues to see what there is room for in discussions and decision-making.
The Antagonist is already at work. Are you?
Does this Content Resonate?
Every organization has an Antagonist. Most leaders can’t name theirs.
After serving as a founder, facilitator, CEO, and chief of staff over the past 30 years, I know it’s not due to a lack of intelligence. It’s due to a lack of visibility.
So I built a short assessment to help you find it. In eight questions and less than 5 minutes, you’ll get a sense of where the friction in your organization is coming from. After that, if you like, we can jump on a free 30-minute call to discuss more.
Take the 5-minute assessment →
Helpful insights here, Brad!